We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
