420 ftw
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
