Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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