getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
