I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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