i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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