Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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