Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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