I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
