Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
