You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
