you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
