I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My cat gives me a boner
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
