at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
