I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
