and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
