Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
