That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
