I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
