things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
