just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
