Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
