Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
