I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
