I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
