Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
