He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
