It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My pussy is not your playground.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
