Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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