R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
