i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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