You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
