his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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