sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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