The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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