What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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