How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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