the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
