My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
