I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
