He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
