She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
