I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Come on in and take your pants off
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
