Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
