my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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