when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i think my cat just said my name.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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