He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
