How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
