my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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