my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
