upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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