Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
