we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
