youre lurking in front of me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
