took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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